Couples Therapy
Round and round we go… but how do we stop?
Are everyday life stressors draining the fun and love out of your relationship?
Gemma* and Larry* used to enjoy line dancing, cooking together, and watching their grandchildren. Lately, health issues for Larry and job stress for Gemma are causing worry and isolation. They hide their stress and worry instead of turning to each other for much-needed connection.
Are you carrying resentment, pain, and lack of trust in your partner?
Meghan* resents Jason* spending after-hours family time messaging and calling his work team of mostly women. Jason wishes Meghan would appreciate his hard work and dedication as a provider who allows her to stay home with their kids.
She feels he doesn’t love her anymore. He feels that she doesn’t respect him when she frequently micromanages his interactions with the family. Both feel lonely and afraid to ask for the comfort and reassurance they crave from their partner.
Are miscommunication, intimacy issues, or even infidelity pulling you and your partner apart?
Candace* and Latiesha* had a rocky beginning. They both have had their hearts broken in prior relationships. They both have had family pull away from them who do not support their LGBT identity. They need each other more than ever now that Candace has been diagnosed with Lupus. Sex feels far away and unattainable now.
Can they learn to turn to each other with their pain of loneliness?
If you find yourself caught in these cycles of hurting each other – you’re going round and round and don’t know how to stop… read on. Help is coming.
She feels like he only pays attention to her for sex…
… he feels she doesn’t listen to him when he’s talking about work.
He feels she is codependent with her parents. She feels like he’s always working late and making excuses to miss family functions.
Couples are tired and overwhelmed like never before. Most couples have older parents with support needs, work responsibilities, and often children and pets. Add to this a mortgage payment and a busy schedule, and it feels like the relationship is always last.
She’s feeling shame for gaining 15 lbs. and not getting to the gym. He’s feeling shame when she turns him down for sex – he must not be desirable to her anymore.
She turns to school volunteering and home management to hide her emptiness. He turns on the computer for sports but usually ends up scrolling for pornography to satisfy his loneliness and boredom.
Real closeness means letting go of the toxic games we play.
Hiding behind a hobby, an activity, or the kids – these attempts to distract you from your loneliness will ultimately seal your fate of isolation.
Doubling down at work may win you recognition but cannot substitute for the love and appreciation you crave in your relationship.
Engaging more with a flirtatious coworker or encouraging the attentions of your trainer at the gym may seem like harmless fun, but ultimately will pull you out of your relationship emotionally or physically.
Real intimacy takes courage and vulnerability.
Being the first person to say, “I need you,” can feel daunting.
Taking active steps to let your partner know you are committed to reclaiming your loving relationship will take genuine change and sacrifice. Showing up consistently in loving ways that are effective requires determination.
The warmth and confidence you regain when you rekindle the pure spark of love with each other – is priceless.
An experienced couples therapist can help you get from “I feel invisible” to “I feel known and seen in my relationship.”
Let me help you get there!
And real intimacy comes from communicating effectively…
… of letting yourself be seen… and seeing your partner as he or she is.
It is essential to stop faking that smile and stop nodding numbly in agreement to our partner.
Showing up and being seen means asking for clarification on what we don’t understand.
Being seen looks like dressing the way you want and taking care of your body in a way you feel healthy and empowered, not merely to avoid criticism from your partner.
Not faking it anymore. This looks like canceling plans to hit the bars with your coworkers for some authentic couples time at home, being together and enjoying each other.
Acknowledging avoidance behaviors. Admitting to yourself, and then your partner, the activities that you turn to in avoidance of the relationship. Saying out loud that you feel hurt, rejection, and pain, and that these behaviors mask those difficult feelings.
Couples therapy will help you get back on track.
In my practice, I utilize Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and Gottman’s Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work as the backbone of our work.
It is essential to spend quality time getting to know your partner all over again. It’s time to play and have fun as you learn new details about each other. Access your creativity and curiosity!
Rebuilding the culture you shared when you were first dating is key. Your partner has grown and evolved since you met them. What do they have to teach you?
What are your differences that work well in harmony? What successes have you shared? What does it feel like when connected? How do you approach each other when you get a busy signal?
Learn the answers to these questions… and much more… when we dive “all in” to couples therapy.
Within the first six sessions, most couples will be able to:
Identify raw spots that get wounded again and again.
Jerry* and Todd* recognized they both interpret love in different ways. They had been trying to give and receive love based on their love language and wound up feeling frustrated when their partner did not receive their love efforts. Once they identified the raw spots that feel hurt and sensitive when touched, they could avoid those painful patterns that unintentionally hurt the other. They could focus on protecting and reinforcing each other with affirmations and affection.
Identify the common predictors of divorce, and how to combat them.
Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. The players will show up in your relationship game again and again if you let them. It is essential to see them showing up in everyday conversations and situations. I will teach you the tools to use when they show up to spoil the party.
Speak assertively and ask your partner for what you need.
“Please teach me how you need to be loved.” “Please correct me if I misunderstand what you are saying.”
Clear, specific, and assertive statements give your partner a direct line to what you are thinking and feeling.
Enjoy more satisfying, connected sex.
Vulnerability, trust, and fulfillment out of the bedroom lead to vulnerability, trust, and fulfillment in the bedroom. Any questions?
You deserve to feel loved, seen, and understood.
Stop lying to yourselves that you’re “just fine.”
“Getting by” is not fine.
“Sticking it out for the kids” is not fine.
You and your partner deserve to feel trust and respect for each other and the relationship.
You don’t have to go it alone. Imagine how relieved you’ll feel after our free, brief phone consultation. Don’t put this off any longer… give me a call today: (615) 9051893.
*Names changed to preserve client confidentiality.